What is forgiveness?

So I've been wondering how long it takes to forgive people? Does it come with time? Does it take an apology? Is it for you? Is it for them? Just because you forgive them doesn't mean that you will ever trust them again, right? Or does it? Will an sob story follow the "i am sorry" and you are back in the same boat of lie and betrayal? We're they really right and you were really wrong? How do you know? I have quite a few people on my "Forgiveness list" but I just don't know if I can do it. But if I did wrong would I want someone to forgive me? Do I be th bigger person and talk first? Or do I keep these bridges burned and never speak to or of them again? These issues have long since passed but I can't help but wonder "is it time?" "can I just get over it?""why does it bother me so much?" these are things I am constantly wondering to myself. A lot of people can walk away from friendships and never look back. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. Weather I am right or wrong I just want to make things right. I seem like a total push over and I let people walk all over me but what if they die tomorrow?? I mean at one time these people were a big part of my life. Can I be sad? Can I cry? Can I attend the funeral? Yes, my mind really does work like this. Are these people really bad people? Was I such a terrible person to deserve such horrible treatment? I really wanna know opinions on forgiveness. Please share your thoughts. - Sometimes burning bridges isn't a bad thing. It prevents you from going back to a place you should never have been to begin with.

Here is how it is!

Well this blog is going to be kind of hard to understand... I have a lot of thoughts!

First, I'd like to acknowledge everyone who's ever known me (the real me) and has stuck around through the good, the bad and the ugly.

I like things to be done my way. Simple as that. I think everyone should be like me. Everyone should have the same work ethic, the same views, the same music taste... Crazy right? Lol how boring would that be? But I get mad when people don't view things like I do. When people are responsible, when they don't have a good work ethic. Yeah, it bothers me but what do ya do? Nothing but bite your tongue.

I think I am just as deserving of things as the next person so even if it does hurt them should I still go for it? Why not do something that you want to just because someone you know wants to do it too? I think it's time to stop being a push over... Stop worrying about who will be mad at me and DO ME! Time to take charge. With advise from more older WISER people of course!

I am 23 years old... I am not a mature stable know it all adult by ANY means but it's time to take action of my own life. I know I can't do this on my own.. I'm gonna need a little help by God and my friends and I think I got this.

I have my bad days... But the good defiantly outweigh the bad by far. But when it's bad it's awful... One might say I just don't handle things good... Emotionally. Everything gets to me. I worry about everything and every one. I care wayyyyyyy too much that is stresses me out to the max. I've always been this way and I honestly don't see that changing.

Ok, those are my thoughts for today. I know, you are so confused.

Just another phase

A close friend (Dana :)) informed me tonight that I go through phases. I will blog a few months, then I will diet hard core for a few months, I started knitting, scrapbooking.. Now I am onto couponing and next is organization! Oh and making meals and freazing them for lunches! Something's really stick for awhile like weight watchers did other like knitting doesn't last lol. I also wanted to make headbands and never did that but talked about it like I was serious. Jason just listens and lets it pass because he knows it will. Haha I never really realized this about myself but I guess that makes me interesting!

I made spaghetti tonight and divided it into 5 containers for lunches (and Jason's dinner tonight)! I think next I will do veggie soup and chicken and noodles. However I don't know how to make chicken and noodles. I don't need anything fancy just simple and easy. Suggestions?


Next, Jennifer and I are couponing on Sunday and hitting up Kroger. I am excited to see how this works out! It seems extremely interesting!

I also discovered pininterest (thank you Haley) and found all these organizing picture that just caught my eye. I love totes and little baskets to organized all my make up and Desk supplies but next i want to step it up. I am trying to put pictures but it wont let me and i am getting extremely aggravated so i am going to bed before I kill the dog or Jason.

I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions

My post yesterday was not to make anyone feel that I consider myself perfect. We all have flaws. I know I have lots of them...

1. I hate to clean. I'd rather be on the couch, watching tv, eating OR writing a blog!
2. I never put my clothes away. They usually sit in a pile and then I complain when I can't find something.
3. I loose socks like its nobodies business. Then I wear Jason's and loose them too!
4. I am a terrible driver. I can't back up or pull in... I have hit lots of cars this way.
5. I get mad and annoyed by things that are none of my business.
6. I eat way too much junk food for my own good.
7. I smoke a lot more now than I ever have in my life! And I've smoked for almost 9 years!!!
8. I ignore a lot of phones calles. Especially if you call during my shows.
9. I am bad about paying bills over the phone. They usually are late :/
10. I am terrible at taking stuff out of my pockets before I wish them. I wash lighters, Chapstick, Kleenex's, jewelry, etc.
11. I trust people way to easy and they usually let me down.
12. When you say friends forever I actually think people mean it... I guess that's not the case with most people.
13. I get attached to people quickly.
14. I have too high expectations of my friends... Especially the ones I look up to.


The list could go on and on and on.... But I prefer to look at the good stuff I do :)

The world will never understand her

I know most blogs have a theme on some sort but when I write I seem to write a little about everything that is going on or that is on my mind. I guess one topic just isnt enough for me. I haven't wrote a blog in months! I think it's time... Here we go...

So you can go get a tattoo but you need foodstamps? To me you are taking away from someone who really needs the food. if you have 50-100 dollars to spend on getting your body inked you have money to buy yourself some ramen noodles. I have nothing against tattos.. I love them! I have two! But I also have money for food, gas, clothes, bills, etc. I have been pretty privileged in my life I will admit. I have great parents who raised me with manners and good morals. I have Grandparents that supported me in everything I have done (most of it) I guess I just got lucky. But I am also responsible. You think cause you live on your own you are grown? You have to get a ride to school, a ride to the bank, a ride to work... But your grown? I will admit I have always been given a car, I am so thankful for that but I work to pay for insurance, gas, any work that needs done to it. If you have $40 to your name and you are on E and it's a week till pay day guess what!!! You can't go out to the bar. You can't go get that new outfit you want. You can't go out to eat. You take care of your shit first like getting to work ON TIME I might add. You think cause you have a baby your grown? Who pays for those babies dipers, food, doctors appointments, etc? Lose the attitude. You got it made. Wait till the real world kicks you in the ass and you come running back home then some day you might be thankful for your parents and what they did for you.

I will help anyone in the world out.. Ask anyone i am extremely nice but I don't do ungrateful, unappriciative or inconsiderate. Grow up and get your shit together because until then no one is going to take you seriously.

Sincerely,

My bitchy self :)

I work well with others

When they leave me the f*ck alone!

Ever want to answer every question with the middle finger? Thats where I am today. I am tired of my every mistake being pointed out and made fun out. Yes, I make mistakes but that is a sign that I am trying. I'm gonna start getting shitty cause people have just about pushed me to that point.

I feel deprived of food that i love like taco bell...I havent had Taco Bell in over 2 months! I friggin love Taco Bell.. but instead I came home and had a frozen 7 point meal.

I made a kick ass fruit salad tonight though. :)

Boo to this week. Yay for the weekend!

So far I haven't lost anything this week! Ugh but I shouldnt weigh myself everyday. It's just a habit I've gotten into. Hopefully by Monday I will be at least -.6 and be back on track again. I need to make myself walk. It's so hot when Margo and I go right after work I need to go about 8 o'clock.


We went to Applebees because they have a weight watchers menu and I got the shrimp. Not satisfying. I want some donuts, a big Mac and a large diet mt dew with crushed ice! Gosh! But I have to behave. I am goin to Greensburg Saturday and I am drinkingggggg while there! I can't wait! I miss them so much they're like my family! Then next week is Thunder of Love! Party time!


I went to aldi's tonight and they have all kinds of snacks, waffles and breakfast sandwiches called fit&active. They look do good an were only like 1.99! Check it out for sure!



Well I am off to read my book :)
If anyone is interested in the books I am getting rid of let me know and I can make you a list.There arent many but enough to get ya through a few months depending on how fast you read. Let me know.. they are $3 a piece.

She flew up to heaven on the wings of angels

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason, without rhyme

Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitin'
And I know she's smilin' sayin', "Don't worry 'bout me"

Loved ones she left behind
Just tryin' to survive
And understand the why
Feelin' so lost inside

Anger shot straight at God
Then askin' for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hopin' that maybe

She flew up to heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitin'
And I know she's smilin' sayin', "Don't worry 'bout me"

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waitin'
And I know she's smilin' sayin', "Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me, don't worry 'bout

Something on the way home made me think of Aunt Cindy. Gosh I miss her and think of her every day. Sometimes I still think it isn't real. Like when you first wake up in the morning or when something happens and you think "I need to tell Cindy this story" but then reality sets in and you realize that person isn't here any more. At night when I prayed I used to tell her about my day and how much I missed her and how much I wished she could see her babies grow up and how I wished I could just have one more day to spend with her. I don't know if she can hear my or not but I like to think she is watching over all of us and can hear us.

It's been two years now and I have yet to go to the cemetary. I didn't get to see the burial...and I regret not going. She was my aunt too and I deserved to be there as much as any one else. I need to get together with Mom and go some time so I know where it is and I can go there and talk to her.

There are just some things I will never understand about your death & the things that followed but I believe God has a plan and it isn't for me to understand I guess.

A little bit of THINspiration

I gained .6 lbs this week... I have been racking my brain on how I did it but it happened and all I can do is try even harder this week. Walking this coming week is a must! If it's too hot to walk I will find a pool to swim in! Exercise is now being incorporated into my LIFE CHANGE. Here is some THINspiration...... I need to hang these up on the fridge!

Bean chili on a hot day

Who makes chili when it's over 100 degrees out? I do! had to try this recipe I got from my Grams. It's about 4 WW points (2 on the old system). We didn't rinse all the beans like it says too simply cause I don't follow directions properly. Jason rated it a 7 1/2 but it was good for something different.

BEAN CHILI:

2 cans diced tomatoes
2 cans chicken broth
1 chopped green pepper (we didn't add)
1 chopped onion (we didn't add)
variety o different beans choices 4 or 5. Kidney, blak, baked, chili, pinto, ect. (all rinsed at drained)
1 can of corn (rinsed and drained)
1 package dry chili mix
simmer in crock pot
1 & 1/2 cups= about 4 points

I definatly dont feel on my game this week. I am always hungry. I havent been too bad but it will be nothing like last week.

Time to play with the dog, fold laundry, read & turning in early tonight. tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!!!!! WoOOOoooHoooOOOOoo!

I have purses for sale! Check my FB page!

A life change

Since I am doing weight watchers I keep reminding myself that this isn't a "diet" its a "life change". I can't go back to my old ways EVER. I was making poor choices when it came to eating & drinking. I am just glad I am not the only one making "life changes" right now. It is nice that we all can help and support each other in this process. Any tips, ideas or strategies you have please send them my way!

I know I shouldn't but I step on the scale every day. And every day it seems to be different.. it's up, then down, up, then down. So frustrating. I guess nothing counts except that weigh in on Saturday. I did cheat yesterday and had pizza for lunch (2 pieces, not bad) and chinese for dinner (a lot of chinese!!) But it was soooooo good! Oh well. Today I was back on my game. here are some feed back on new products I have tried!

Fiber Plus bars- AMAZING!! They taste like a candy bar. I had the chocolate chip & chocolaty peanut butter and they are both outstanding! They're only 3 WW points too!

Smart Sense Diet Green Tea Berry (Kmart)- Really good when you are looking for something other than water with 0 everything but sodium is 20. I got the citrus tonight but haven't tried it yet.

Mio drink flavoring- very good. I have tried the berry pomegrant & peach mango and they are both tasty and help me suck down the water faster & easier. It's a little pricey at $4 a pop but worth it if you don't like water.

2 more days till weigh in... if I lost ANYTHING I will be happy since I lost so much last week. As long as I didnt gain I will be ok. Then I will have to move on to plan B to kick start the "life change" cycle again.

Anyone know where I can get mini thins with ephedra? You use to be able to get them at gas stations but now they are all "ephedra fee" wtf.. not cool.

Nothing came to those who didn't try.

I am finally at a point in my life where I feel good about things. I feel like I have been making good choices and they are paying off. I may not be the skinnies, the prettiest or the smartest person around but I am me and that should be good enough for everyone else. If you aren't a part of my life I am sorry but it's your loss and I am not gonna fret over it. I feel good about where my life is headed and I hope you are on board with me. I know I have changed over the past year. Yeah, I've grown up. I don't have to go out every weekend or get drunk at every single family gathering. I am not a teenager any more. It's fun every once in awhile but not every weekend. I have priorities and responsibilities... Yes it sucks but it's called being an adult.


For not knowing what to write about tonight I didnt do too bad if I do say so myself.


Back to The Notebook. :)

Picture of the day

Song of the day:

Raymond here

Movie of the day:

Easy A (rated B+)

Chicken & Rice

We (ok.. Jason) finally tried one of the weight watchers recipes. It is old so it has the old points but I just added 2 points to make it about what points plus would be. We doubled this recipe cause it doesn't make a lot... at least for me and Jason.

Campell's One Dish Chicken & Rice:

About 8 Points per serving

1 can cream of mushroom soup- campbell's 98% FF
1 cup water
3/4 cup white rice, regular--uncooked
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon garlic salt
4 chicken breast- skinned and boned

In 2-qt shallow baking dish, mix soup, water, rice, paprika & pepper. Place Chicken (we cut it up) on rice mixture. sprinkle with additional paprka & pepper. Cover. Bake at 375 degree for 45 minutes or until chicken and rice are done. For creamier rice, increase water to 1 1/3 cups.

That is the original recipe. Like I said we doubled it.. we also cooked broccoli and mixed that in at the end.


I think I am getting a cold. I have a cough that I was trying to justify as allergies but its been about 3 days now and it keeps getting worse... especially at night. Boo.

Yesterday Britt & Aaron stayed with us. We went and played putt- putt and rented No Strings Attached. I missed the last half hour or so cause I feel asleep but the rest of it was good! We had fun. Today consisted of laundry, napping, playing with the dog, going through my purses to get rid of & next on my list is dishes. I am thinking of watching Cyberbully on ABC Family at 8. I'm not a big fan of their movies though so we will see...

I lost 6.4 lbs last week! 11.2 lbs all together!! I  was so happy. Whats my secret? Water! Water! Water! Seriously it works.

Song of the day:
Cost of Living- Ronnie Dunn here
Give In To Me (Country Strong) here

Movie of the day:
Insidious (better than Paranormal Activity)

A whole lot of H20

I have lost over 2 lbs this week. Which is 7 pounds total! I hope to have 9 pounds lost by the end of the week! Only 2 more days and I am drinking a whole lot of water! I bought those Mio flavorings for water and so far I like the one I have tried.

The pup got to meet yet another Grandma today! Grandma Shannon and cousin Tristen. And he also go to go to the dealership and meet lots of new people. Only 2 more days and I get a full 2 days off!!! Yayyyyy

Margo and I walked tonight! It was nice and Brittany and I are walking on Friday. Girlie time! Can't wait for all of it to pay off and I look awesome!

No quote, song or movie tonight but I am reading "Handle With Care" by Jodi Picoult. It's good so far. Keep checking for further weight updates.

When you find yourself at a new beginning...

Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.

It's after 11 PM and i feel like cleaning the house. I am not sure where the burst of energy came from. We did pick up a tub to put the puppy food in, a bin for his toys and more treats. Someone is spoiled already. We are teaching him not to bite. Today has gone better. I am using the spray bottle and he doesnt know what to think of it but it works.

Jason got the first Halo book today and he seems to really be enjoying it. It wasnt too cheap so if anyone has any of the other books and would like to loan them out please let us know!

Everyone is going out tonight.. Dad's playing at Flatlanders but I would rather save my points for food rather than beer. I know... it's crazy but i drank last week so I will skip it this weekend. Hope everyone is having a good time. Pam says she is "wasted". Haha

I only lost .2 lbs this week.. but it was a holiday weekend and i ate a lot so i am thankful to have lost at all. My eating habits are totally different though which is good. Lots of fruits and veggies. I feel better too. Next thing is more water. I can seem to chug it like some people.

Movie:
Burlesque (A+) Very good!

Song:
"I Don't Want To" Ashley Monroe & Ronnie Dunn

Can someone make me look like this? Please and thanks!

Our New Addition...

We brought home our first puppy yesterday. We drove to Eaton to pick him up at Jack's and we fell in love. We've had him in the house over 24 hours and no messes yet! He is doing so so good! His name is Tucker. We named him that because he was 'tuckered" out last night.

I know it sounds weird cause it's a holiday weekend and I ate alot of Saturday but I feel like I have lost weight this week.. I have to stay good until Wednesday and see what the result is. I sure hope I lost atleast 2 lbs.

My first day in the body shop was actually not bad. The day went by fast. I can get up and use the restroom when I need, I can heat up my food without having someone sit there for me. It's quiet though.. that is a change. But hopefully tomorrow will go fast.

I feel bad leaving Tucker home all day in his cage. But i will come home mid day and let him outside. That would be mean to have him locked up for 8 hours. Any doggie tips from anyone? We are going to train him so we dont have to use a leash. We want him to stay with us outside and be able to take him everywhere with us.

Quote:
Never underestimate the strength of karma, sometimes it takes a while, but eventually it will play out and people will finally get what they deserve. Then you will finally be able to have a good laugh.


Good Movie:
Just Go With It

Songs:
What that drink cost me- Sara Evans
How to love- Lil Wayne

<3<3<3

A fresh start

:)Here's to a start of a new blogging site! I will post a little about my life, some quotes, movie reviews and also songs you should listen to!

Seems like I don't really talk to anyone any more.. kinda sad but I guess that's just life. I feel disconnected from everyone I was close to. Maybe it's just a phase. But there are some people I am for sure OVER... too much drama for my simple little life.

I started weight watcher almost 2 weeks ago and I have lost over 4 lbs. It takes time, effort and some getting use to but it's worth it. I will be in a bikini one day.

Friday is my first day working in the body shop/ rentals. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing BUT I believe it will be for the best. Hey, at least I will be away from drama and people I...dislike (to say the least).

So, I just watched the preview from The Vow the other night. Check it out... its a MUST see! Too bad it doesnt come out till next flipping year!
The Vow

Quote of the day:

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

Music:
Dirt Road Anthem- Jason Aldean & Luda
New Favorite Memory- Brad Paisley
Hollywood Whore- Papa Roach

Thats all folks!