What is forgiveness?

So I've been wondering how long it takes to forgive people? Does it come with time? Does it take an apology? Is it for you? Is it for them? Just because you forgive them doesn't mean that you will ever trust them again, right? Or does it? Will an sob story follow the "i am sorry" and you are back in the same boat of lie and betrayal? We're they really right and you were really wrong? How do you know? I have quite a few people on my "Forgiveness list" but I just don't know if I can do it. But if I did wrong would I want someone to forgive me? Do I be th bigger person and talk first? Or do I keep these bridges burned and never speak to or of them again? These issues have long since passed but I can't help but wonder "is it time?" "can I just get over it?""why does it bother me so much?" these are things I am constantly wondering to myself. A lot of people can walk away from friendships and never look back. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. Weather I am right or wrong I just want to make things right. I seem like a total push over and I let people walk all over me but what if they die tomorrow?? I mean at one time these people were a big part of my life. Can I be sad? Can I cry? Can I attend the funeral? Yes, my mind really does work like this. Are these people really bad people? Was I such a terrible person to deserve such horrible treatment? I really wanna know opinions on forgiveness. Please share your thoughts. - Sometimes burning bridges isn't a bad thing. It prevents you from going back to a place you should never have been to begin with.

Here is how it is!

Well this blog is going to be kind of hard to understand... I have a lot of thoughts!

First, I'd like to acknowledge everyone who's ever known me (the real me) and has stuck around through the good, the bad and the ugly.

I like things to be done my way. Simple as that. I think everyone should be like me. Everyone should have the same work ethic, the same views, the same music taste... Crazy right? Lol how boring would that be? But I get mad when people don't view things like I do. When people are responsible, when they don't have a good work ethic. Yeah, it bothers me but what do ya do? Nothing but bite your tongue.

I think I am just as deserving of things as the next person so even if it does hurt them should I still go for it? Why not do something that you want to just because someone you know wants to do it too? I think it's time to stop being a push over... Stop worrying about who will be mad at me and DO ME! Time to take charge. With advise from more older WISER people of course!

I am 23 years old... I am not a mature stable know it all adult by ANY means but it's time to take action of my own life. I know I can't do this on my own.. I'm gonna need a little help by God and my friends and I think I got this.

I have my bad days... But the good defiantly outweigh the bad by far. But when it's bad it's awful... One might say I just don't handle things good... Emotionally. Everything gets to me. I worry about everything and every one. I care wayyyyyyy too much that is stresses me out to the max. I've always been this way and I honestly don't see that changing.

Ok, those are my thoughts for today. I know, you are so confused.

Just another phase

A close friend (Dana :)) informed me tonight that I go through phases. I will blog a few months, then I will diet hard core for a few months, I started knitting, scrapbooking.. Now I am onto couponing and next is organization! Oh and making meals and freazing them for lunches! Something's really stick for awhile like weight watchers did other like knitting doesn't last lol. I also wanted to make headbands and never did that but talked about it like I was serious. Jason just listens and lets it pass because he knows it will. Haha I never really realized this about myself but I guess that makes me interesting!

I made spaghetti tonight and divided it into 5 containers for lunches (and Jason's dinner tonight)! I think next I will do veggie soup and chicken and noodles. However I don't know how to make chicken and noodles. I don't need anything fancy just simple and easy. Suggestions?


Next, Jennifer and I are couponing on Sunday and hitting up Kroger. I am excited to see how this works out! It seems extremely interesting!

I also discovered pininterest (thank you Haley) and found all these organizing picture that just caught my eye. I love totes and little baskets to organized all my make up and Desk supplies but next i want to step it up. I am trying to put pictures but it wont let me and i am getting extremely aggravated so i am going to bed before I kill the dog or Jason.

I am made entirely of flaws stitched together with good intentions

My post yesterday was not to make anyone feel that I consider myself perfect. We all have flaws. I know I have lots of them...

1. I hate to clean. I'd rather be on the couch, watching tv, eating OR writing a blog!
2. I never put my clothes away. They usually sit in a pile and then I complain when I can't find something.
3. I loose socks like its nobodies business. Then I wear Jason's and loose them too!
4. I am a terrible driver. I can't back up or pull in... I have hit lots of cars this way.
5. I get mad and annoyed by things that are none of my business.
6. I eat way too much junk food for my own good.
7. I smoke a lot more now than I ever have in my life! And I've smoked for almost 9 years!!!
8. I ignore a lot of phones calles. Especially if you call during my shows.
9. I am bad about paying bills over the phone. They usually are late :/
10. I am terrible at taking stuff out of my pockets before I wish them. I wash lighters, Chapstick, Kleenex's, jewelry, etc.
11. I trust people way to easy and they usually let me down.
12. When you say friends forever I actually think people mean it... I guess that's not the case with most people.
13. I get attached to people quickly.
14. I have too high expectations of my friends... Especially the ones I look up to.


The list could go on and on and on.... But I prefer to look at the good stuff I do :)

The world will never understand her

I know most blogs have a theme on some sort but when I write I seem to write a little about everything that is going on or that is on my mind. I guess one topic just isnt enough for me. I haven't wrote a blog in months! I think it's time... Here we go...

So you can go get a tattoo but you need foodstamps? To me you are taking away from someone who really needs the food. if you have 50-100 dollars to spend on getting your body inked you have money to buy yourself some ramen noodles. I have nothing against tattos.. I love them! I have two! But I also have money for food, gas, clothes, bills, etc. I have been pretty privileged in my life I will admit. I have great parents who raised me with manners and good morals. I have Grandparents that supported me in everything I have done (most of it) I guess I just got lucky. But I am also responsible. You think cause you live on your own you are grown? You have to get a ride to school, a ride to the bank, a ride to work... But your grown? I will admit I have always been given a car, I am so thankful for that but I work to pay for insurance, gas, any work that needs done to it. If you have $40 to your name and you are on E and it's a week till pay day guess what!!! You can't go out to the bar. You can't go get that new outfit you want. You can't go out to eat. You take care of your shit first like getting to work ON TIME I might add. You think cause you have a baby your grown? Who pays for those babies dipers, food, doctors appointments, etc? Lose the attitude. You got it made. Wait till the real world kicks you in the ass and you come running back home then some day you might be thankful for your parents and what they did for you.

I will help anyone in the world out.. Ask anyone i am extremely nice but I don't do ungrateful, unappriciative or inconsiderate. Grow up and get your shit together because until then no one is going to take you seriously.

Sincerely,

My bitchy self :)

I work well with others

When they leave me the f*ck alone!

Ever want to answer every question with the middle finger? Thats where I am today. I am tired of my every mistake being pointed out and made fun out. Yes, I make mistakes but that is a sign that I am trying. I'm gonna start getting shitty cause people have just about pushed me to that point.

I feel deprived of food that i love like taco bell...I havent had Taco Bell in over 2 months! I friggin love Taco Bell.. but instead I came home and had a frozen 7 point meal.

I made a kick ass fruit salad tonight though. :)

Boo to this week. Yay for the weekend!

So far I haven't lost anything this week! Ugh but I shouldnt weigh myself everyday. It's just a habit I've gotten into. Hopefully by Monday I will be at least -.6 and be back on track again. I need to make myself walk. It's so hot when Margo and I go right after work I need to go about 8 o'clock.


We went to Applebees because they have a weight watchers menu and I got the shrimp. Not satisfying. I want some donuts, a big Mac and a large diet mt dew with crushed ice! Gosh! But I have to behave. I am goin to Greensburg Saturday and I am drinkingggggg while there! I can't wait! I miss them so much they're like my family! Then next week is Thunder of Love! Party time!


I went to aldi's tonight and they have all kinds of snacks, waffles and breakfast sandwiches called fit&active. They look do good an were only like 1.99! Check it out for sure!



Well I am off to read my book :)
If anyone is interested in the books I am getting rid of let me know and I can make you a list.There arent many but enough to get ya through a few months depending on how fast you read. Let me know.. they are $3 a piece.